It’s an experience that families of individuals who struggle with addiction dread. Your loved one is seeming kind of distant lately, maybe their moods have been erratic or volatile. They’ve missed phone calls or appointments, perhaps avoiding you at the dinner table or spending more time alone. They’ve started returning home later than usual or, sometimes, not coming home at all. Maybe the signs are more commanding, and you’re confronted with proof of your worst fear—it’s happening again. 

Addiction is a chronic disease, and studies show that 40-60% of people with a substance use disorder will face a relapse at some point. Managing a loved one’s relapse in recovery can be an arduous and emotionally taxing experience, but your support is critical to helping them get through it. 

Have you found yourself wondering what to do when a loved one relapses? Here are 7 things you can do to encourage them as they get their recovery back on track.

What to Do When a Loved One Relapses: 7 Things to Remember

A sober living home, also known as sober or transitional housing, offers individuals who are recovering from addiction a stable and supportive living space to prepare them for the daily challenges of a substance-free lifestyle. These sober spaces not only promote positive habits like accountability, independence, and responsibility, but they also foster a sense of community and provide a safe haven for their inhabitants to concentrate on their recovery goals without the interference of the outside world.

1. Listen Without Judgment 

When you’re faced with the reality your loved one has experienced a relapse, it can be easy to let your emotions take the driver’s seat. Feelings of anger, guilt, sadness, and denial can come to the surface and while these emotions are normal for such experiences, it’s wise not to let them take the lead. Whether you’ve found proof of a relapse or your loved one comes to you with a confession, it’s important to listen without judgment or hostility. This will help your friend, spouse, or family member feel more comfortable opening up about their experience with you. 

2. Be Patient and Empathetic

Just as you want to approach the situation without judgment, it’s crucial to bring patience and empathy to the table as well. Try to understand their actions from their perspective and avoid jumping to conclusions. Remember, you can show your loved one compassion and still hold them accountable for their behavior. Be patient as they open up to you.  

3. Leave the Past in the Past 

While reminding your loved one of the work they’ve put into their recovery can be a helpful strategy, try to avoid bringing up past incidents or situations that happened before they entered addiction treatment. Experiencing a relapse in recovery can cause feelings of shame and embarrassment that they may be keeping inside. Stay focused on the present circumstances and how you can help your loved one find their footing again in the here and now. 

4. Help Them Identify Triggers

A key aspect of relapse prevention is identifying and avoiding triggers. If your loved one is experiencing a relapse, they may need help figuring out how they got there. Other times, your loved one may know what triggered them to turn to substances again. Ask them if there are any situations or emotions they experienced in the time leading up to the relapse and offer empathetic support as they talk through it. Discuss how these triggers could best be avoided if they occurred again. This will help them walk away with clarity and build self-awareness from the experience.

5. Encourage Them to Seek Treatment

If your loved one is facing a period of relapse or is dealing with a co-occurring mental health struggle like depression, encouraging them to seek out professional guidance is one of the best ways you can help. No matter how much you care for them, there is only so much you can do to help your loved one on your own. Offer to help them find a counselor who they can trust and who is trained in addiction services. 

If you are struggling with your mental health, don’t hesitate to seek our professional support for yourself as well. Family therapy can be a great tool for navigating the uncertain waters of a relapse together.

6. Develop an Action Plan

If your loved one doesn't want to seek treatment, don’t give up hope. When dealing with a relapse, it’s important to establish an achievable game plan that gets them back on the road to a substance-free life. Work together to set a realistic course of action or a recovery plan that will realign your loved one with their precious goals. 

7. Remind Them of Their Successes

Rather than dwelling on the negative impact of a relapse in recovery, focus on the small celebrations your loved one has achieved on their journey. No step is too small, and reminding them of their past successes will help bolster your loved one’s confidence and assure them that you see them as more than their addiction. 

Meeting your loved one with compassion, patience, and understanding can help them regain their strength and continue their journey toward recovery, one step at a time. If you live in the Magic Valley and you’re still unsure about what to do when a loved one relapses or want to learn more about relapse prevention, discover more about how The Walker Center can help here.