With more and more people openly discussing mental health, gaslighting has become a common subject over the past few years. Gaslighting and other types of emotional abuse have appeared in popular media recently, such as the movie The Girl on the Train, the reality TV show The Bachelorette, and the Netflix series Maid.
This is a good thing, as there’s more and more awareness of this kind of emotional abuse, which helps to prevent it in relationships. But before accusing someone of this behavior, it is essential to know what gaslighting means and how to look for the signs of gaslighting.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser tries to sow confusion and self-doubt in the victim’s mind. Gaslighters seek to gain control or power over the other person by twisting reality and forcing them to question their intuition and judgment.
This abuse often happens in abusive relationships and is closely related to other forms of physical and emotional abuse. While gaslighting is most typical in romantic relationships, it can also happen within work and family relationships, especially when an addicted person is involved.
How to Tell if Someone is Gaslighting You and Ruining Your Mental Health
The most damaging gaslighting abuse signs are those that take root in a victim’s mind and start to eat away at their trust and self-worth.
Here are a few mental health impacts of being gaslighted.
Questioning your observations, judgments, and feelings
Feeling trapped and lonely
Blaming yourself for the way the other person treats you
Making excuses for the other’s persons behavior to friends or family
Doubting your sanity and memory
Staying silent rather than talking about what you believe or think
Walking on eggshells around the other person
Convincing yourself that their behavior is not that bad
Believing that you are extremely sensitive
Having trouble making even basic decisions
On top of that, perpetrators of gaslighting often experience mental health problems themselves. They may have developed such controlling behaviors as a response to childhood trauma, addiction, narcissistic personality disorder, or other psychological conditions.
Gaslighting and Addiction—The Perfect Match
People struggling with addiction often know that their behaviors are causing adverse impacts on their lives and those around them. They also understand that their family members will disapprove of their behaviors, so they engage in negative actions like lying and stealing to keep their addiction hidden.
Others will use manipulation to keep others from addressing their addiction. For instance, the beginning of addiction may involve someone concealing their habit by lying to their loved ones, acting suspiciously, and sneaking around.
Nonetheless, family members often become concerned over time because of these actions and start confronting the person suffering from addiction. As this happens, the person struggling may begin telling family and friends that they’re overreacting, making a mountain out of a molehill, misunderstanding the situation, or making things up.
Since people suffering from addiction often go to great lengths to sustain their habit, they may be willing to manipulate their family or friends into doubting themselves, particularly when they want to believe the individual suffering from addiction it can be tempting to accept their claims that nothing is wrong.
6 Ways to Counteract Gaslighting Abuse
Once you understand how to tell if someone is gaslighting you, the next course of action is removing yourself from the relationship and preventing other possible gaslighting instances.
Here are a few ways to take action and safeguard yourself if you’re being gaslighted at work or in a relationship:
1. Don’t try to argue with the gaslighter
Gaslighting isn’t a rational behavior, and most gaslighters won’t respond to logic or admit their motivation. If a family member, partner, or friend turns a conversation into an opportunity to question or insult your ability or sanity, step away immediately from the discussion and, if possible, the relationship itself.
2. Remind yourself that you’re not the reason for their abuse
There’s nothing you should or could have done differently to prevent being gaslighted. It is important to remember that the abuse is not your fault —the gaslighter attempted to manipulate and control you.
3. Don’t focus on words; instead, focus on actions
A gaslighter may well tell you what you want to hear to keep you in the relationship and under their control. However, their words are meaningless if they are not reflected in their actions.
4. Talk to others about what is happening
Do not let the gaslighter isolate you from colleagues, family, or friends who care about and support you. You must share what is going on with as many people as possible so they can also validate your experience and assure you that you are not in the wrong.
5. Gather proof of gaslighting
Doing this will help you determine that your feelings and memories are real and that somebody is manipulating them. That includes keeping a journal, photos, or voice memos in a secure location. They may also involve sending emails of any evidence to a trusted family member or friend.
6. Practice trusting yourself again
After you have ended the relationship with a gaslighter, it may take a while to begin trusting your perceptions and instincts again. You must remember that the image the gaslighter painted of you isn’t the reality of who you are.
Remember that gaslighting is common because it enables the perpetrator to avoid confrontation with their loved ones and avoid changing their behavior. Family members may not realize they are being gaslighted until later on, so it is important to know what gaslighting is and if it is happening to you.
Gaslighting isn’t new, but that doesn’t mean it is old news to you. You may recently have discovered that it is happening to you. It is not simple to overcome as it involves disrupting somebody’s reality. However, there is support for you if you need it and if you want to learn more about what you can do if your loved one is struggling with addiction, then check out the other stories on our blog.
