Sober Holidays/Avoiding Relapse Over the Holidays
December is here and that means the holidays are approaching whether we are ready or not. That could mean joyful anticipation or absolute dread at what is to come. For those of us in recovery, possibly experiencing this time of year for the first time without the aid of an emotionally numbing substance, the real question is how to keep our recovery priority and stay sober through it all. What does that look like and how do we avoid some of the pitfalls others have experienced?
One Day At A Time Approach.
It was April and I was just entering into recovery. Addiction had been calling the shots in all areas of life and left me with a family in tatters, unemployed, and living alone in a house I could not pay for. The first couple of weeks I was an emotional powder keg ready to explode and had a Grand Central Terminal mind with lines running in and out at all hours of the day.
In all this confusion and chaos there was a thought that pierced through the veil, “How am I going to stay sober through the holidays?” Genuinely scared that in 8 months I would be stone-cold drunk by the time New Year hit if I made it that long. Sounded like a pretty good reason to just go ahead and get drunk now. That thought scared me even more.
At this point I was a part of a local recovery community and going to recovery meetings several days a week. I brought the fears to a peer in the community and they had suggested I focus on today and hitting that pillow without picking up. They said keep the focus on just for today and when those days came, they would be just another today.
Listen To Suggestions.
Every meeting I went to that first holiday season seemed to be about “staying sober during the holidays” or “my family still drinks; how do I make it through dinner?” Many suggestions were heard by those who have had years of experience with these topics. They said bring a recovery buddy if possible. If you drove, park your car where you can get out in case you need to leave in a hurry. In those early days, I never knew when an urge or craving would come. If hit with the overwhelming desire to use, I may not be able to wait for grandma and those 2 uncles to move their cars. Bring your own drink, like a bottle of water. Cannot pick up a drink if you already have one in your hand.
For some, it was better off staying at home or getting in contact with another member of recovery instead of going to a home where there would be drinking or drug use.
Attitude Is Everything.
One of the things I have the power to change is my attitude. In early recovery with the emotional instability and an addicted mind, this was not an easy process. Going through the holidays, that first year, has helped me to understand I have a choice in the matter. In addiction the focus became solely on fulfilling the ever-present demand to get more and feel less. This produced a certain self-centeredness where life revolved around me getting what I needed which is opposite from the love and charity the holidays represent to me today.
While driving home from a meeting it hit me! No wonder I dreaded the holidays like I do. Always being in a position where I was not physically there or if I was, I still was not present. The only gifts I brought were emotional baggage and excess drama. Thus, began the slow process of thinking of others while focusing on my own recovery. Started with small goals of not making the day worse for members of my family and being present physically and emotionally. In doing so, had a better understanding of what their needs were and what could be changed in my attitude to better the holidays and every day in between.
Many teachers over the years have walked the walk of it being better to give than to receive. What can I bring to the occasion instead of taking? Sometimes the only thing I have to bring is a changed attitude.
We must remember that we may not be the only friends or family who struggle through this time of year for one reason or another. Can I offer a listening ear without judgement? Have I asked them how they are doing and really meant it?
We Recover.
Whatever you may be feeling coming into or during the holidays, someone has been there before feeling the same way you do today. The only way to discover this is by talking to your recovery support group. You may find you have more in common with others than you think.
Open your heart and your mouth and share those thoughts and feelings and you will be helping them connect and relate as well. For those of us who have spent so much time separating ourselves from family, society, and life this will provide rich soil to grow connections. Connections are what makes life so worthwhile today. Today I know that I am not the only one who has pain and struggles. In sharing, we both have a chance of getting free from that isolation that tells me no one has ever felt this way before.
You Will Persevere.
No matter what these days may bring I can stay in today and envision what a sober holiday would look like. What do the holidays mean to me? Who can I talk to about my feelings and thoughts as they approach? What plans do I have and what obstacles may arise? Where can I go if plans fall through? If it is dangerous, is it worth losing my recovery?
Come up with your own questions and talk about what is happening inside. We keep bottled up and the bottle comes out.
Recovery is a process of change and this holiday season may be the start of new traditions. Whether your experiences are new or familiar, this holiday will give us all an opportunity to face the reality of today and grow in whatever phase of development we are in.
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